Fruitcake!
by Hopelessly Unromantic
Summary: Alternate universe all-dialogue one-shot. -You can't dispute over this. You must have fruitcake at Christmas time.-


**A/N: **Fruitcake is NASTY.

**DISCLAIMER: **Nothing owned by me.

* * *

**Fruitcake!**

"_Chocolate cakes and butter cakes and cakes with lots of spice; layer cakes and angel cakes I think are very nice; but when it comes to Christmas time, can anyone dispute?"_

* * *

"I am not eating that."

"It's a tradition!"

"You never mentioned a tradition when you asked me to join you and your family for Christmas dinner."

"I was going to surprise you with it, Jasey!"

"Right. I'm not eating that."

"But it's delicious!"

"You're lying, Wally."

"What?"

"Your aunt's behind you, gagging on her tiny bite of fruitcake."

"My aunt has a weak stomach."

"Who says I don't?"

"I've seen you eat far worse things than fruitcake."

"Do you even know what goes in fruitcake, Wally?"

"…fruit?"

"And?"

"Spices?"

"Really? Who made this fruitcake?"

"Jasey, we bought it at the local bakery. The owner knows we do this every year."

"So she couldn't have made better fruitcake?"

"No. That's part of the tradition; the way she makes it."

"Where is this bakery? I'd like to have a talk with her."

"Jasey…"

"I'm not eating that."

"Please? For me?"

"No. That's not going to work this time. Isn't it good enough I'm here?"

"But you're ruining the Christmas joy by refusing fruitcake!"

"I would have rather preferred an ice-cream cake."

"You can't dispute over this. You _must _have fruitcake at Christmas time."

"Must? I've never had it before, Wally."

"Well, in this household, yes. You must."

"Then I'm leaving. You're being quite inhospitable."

"Really, Jasey? You're going to be like this?"

"Why are you forcing me to eat fruitcake?"

"I'm not forcing you; I'm trying to get you to eat it!"

"I'm allergic to nuts!"

"Liar. I've seen you eat nuts at lunch."

"Liar."

"Okay, so maybe not, but I've seen you eat things that have nuts in it."

"I'm allergic to figs, Wally."

"You don't even know what figs are."

"Exactly. You never eat what you don't know."

"It's a sweet hollowed pear-shaped fruit."

"And I'm supposed to trust you?"

"Yes."

"I don't think that's going to happen any time in the nearly distant future."

"Then how about now? No time's better than the present, huh Jasey?"

"No. Seriously. I'm not eating that."

"Do not make me force this into your mouth."

"You wouldn't do that."

"Give me one good reason as to why I shouldn't."

"Because if I don't like it, which is going to happen, I'm going to make sure I puke all over you."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me, Wallace. I don't joke about this."

"It's fruitcake! How much harm can it do?"

"People have died because of eating that…_thing_."

"Jasey, it's not a thing. It's food. And no one here has died yet because of eating Belle's fruitcake."

"Doesn't Belle have a bakery nearby? Belle's Bakery, is it?"

"Oh…crap."

"Yes. I'll just think I'll head over there right now, Wally."

"And tell her what exactly?"

"That fruitcake is disgusting and you should never make it again."

"She doesn't listen to strangers with pink highlights who judge her off of what she cooks and doesn't."

"I'll tell her to make her fruitcake taste better."

"You haven't even had a slice of it!"

"And I'm never going to. I'm not eating that."

"Quit saying that!"

"I'm not eating that. I'm not eating that. I'm not eat—"

"NO! YOU ARE!"

"You come any closer, you're dead."

"…"

"I don't joke about things like this, _Wallace_."

"Of course you don't. I, on the other hand, do."

"…"

"However, I'm not joking about this. You're eating this slice of fruitcake whether or not you like it."

"Honestly, I doubt I'm going to like it."

"You're doubting now? Good."

"I know I'm not going to like it."

"Ever had fruitcake before, Jasey?"

"Nope. And I don't plan on it."

"Good. Things in life happen without being planned."

"It's a Christmas food. I dislike it."

"Oh, do you celebrate Hanukkah?"

"No."

"Kwanzaa, perhaps?"

"No! I just dislike fruitcake."

"How can you dislike something without ever having it, Jasey?"

"…"

"You have to take risks sometimes."

"You're convincing, Wally. I'll give you that."

"So you'll eat it?"

"No. I'm not eating that."

"…"

"…"

"Open wide! Here comes the choo-choo train!"

"That's not going to work either."

"Well, don't be such a party-pooper."

"I'm not being a party-pooper!"

"Now you're in denial and judging food, Jasey!"

"…"

"…"

"You see? Even you gagged on fruitcake."

"I was in…shock…from how good it tasted."

"The why don't you eat some more?"

"I already had a fairly large slice. I'm quite full."

"But you still took a bite of my supposed slice, Wally. Not that full."

"Jasey, seriously. Please just eat the fruitcake."

"All you had to do was say please!"

"Really?"

"No! I'm not eating that."

"Fine then. Good night, Jasey."

"Good night, _Wallace_."

"Just eat the freakish fruitcake!"

"NO! How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Fine! If you won't eat it, you're not welcome here ever again! I'm breaking up with you!"

"…We were never together!"

"But this ruins all your chances of ever being with me, Jasey! I'm through!"

"Fine! I don't need you!"

"Good! I don't need you either!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"How'd you like it?"

"That was disgusting."

"Good. That's the tradition. Oh, and you can't puke it back out. Another part of the tradition."

"The things I do for you, Wallace. The things I do for you."

"Hey, I ate it too!"

"And you were such a loving friend to force me to eat it!"

"Yeah…I was, wasn't I?"

"…"

"Okay. Rhetorical question. Never mind."

"That was the most disgusting piece of food I've ever had."

"You can stop complaining now, Jasey."

"No. I'm going to get you back. THAT WAS DISGUSTING!"

"Quite whining!"

"EWWW!"

"Jasey!"

"Wally!"

"What?"

"…"

"That was disgusting."

"Don't complain. Just enjoy it."

"But Jas—"

"Deal with it."

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**A/N: **I wrote an all-dialogue alternate universe for fruitcake. Out of all things, fruitcake. Mmm. Jasey is Jinx; Wally is Kid Flash. Hope you enjoyed your fanfic fruitcake. If you review, I'll get you some virtually. With everything revolting in it. Trust me. There's also a song which I've had to sing more than ten times in the past few days. Here: _**NOW YOU ADD SOME LEMON PEEL, I WOULD SAY A CUP OR TWO! THEN SOME RAISINS, DATES, AND FIGS; JUST HOW MUCH IT UP TO YOU! **_AGHH. Cereal: REVIEW(:


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